Curiouser and Curiouser
by Huaile
Summary: "Why is there a hole in my garden?" He smiled conversationally and shrugged. "I wonder." They stopped at the edge of the hole, and Tessa gazed down in trepidation. And then, Jem continued, "But, don't you know? If there is a hole, you simply must jump in."
1. Down The Rabbit Hole

**As seen from its title, this is an Alice in Wonderland derivation. Hopefully it'll be good? This'll be my first actual series. With plot and everything. Um. It's going to be a _bit _darker than the original Lewis Carroll book/Disney movie, but not like the Tim Burton movie. Yes- Tessa is the protagonist, but I'd rather not have hate from that. She's actually a rather enjoyable character, despite what most think. Anyway- on to the story.**

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Theresa Gray had always enjoyed reading- she loved, as a toddler, sitting in her older brother Nathaniel's arms as he read picture books to her; and as she grew older, she loved going to their backyard and sitting under the tree with him, each reading a different book. They read every day in the summer, from just after dinner, when the sun was highest, until supper- whenever the sun went down.

Today, their parents were out, so it was just her and Nate, in the backyard, reading. It was silent, but in the companionable way. It was rather warm outside, the grass was slightly damp from the drizzle that'd happened mere hours ago, and it would probably stain her dress- but Tessa didn't particularly care, although she had been chided many times by her parents for it. As for Nate...he only cared when it was a dress he'd bought.

Tessa clutched the book to her chest, smiling. She absolutely adored Shakespeare, and _Macbeth_ was her personal favorite. It was rather dark- but something about it made it beautiful in it's own way.

"Tessie," Tessa scowled up at her older brother and he grinned apologetically—that cute little smile that made all the girls swoon, the one where the left corner of his mouth quirked up higher than the right, and made his whole face light up, his blue eyes dancing mischievously—at her before continuing, "It is rather hot, do you want a drink?"

"No thank you," Tessa returned to her book, waving Nate away as he told her she should go inside. It was rather hot, though. It was only moments after Nate had gone inside that the noises started.

It started out with just a slight rustling in the bushes in front of her, then she swore there was someone looking at her from the bushes. Now, Theresa Gray had always been told she was a sensible girl, very mature for her age, and highly intelligent. So she was _quite _shocked when she saw a snowy white rabbit dart out of the bushes, a beautiful rabbit with silvery-white eyes, like a tarnished shilling. There was nothing remarkable about the rabbit- maybe it's odd coloring, but nothing else, except that it ran right up to her and stood on its hind legs, mere inches from her outstretched legs. It sniffed the air by her and cocked its head, oddly intelligent eyes staring at her for a few long moments. Then its eyes widened and it turned away to mumble to itself,

"Oh dear, oh dear! I shall be late!"

The fact that the rabbit had begun to talk to itself was rather odd, and Tessa attributed it to the sun, and when it darted away, but though she was filled with a burning curiosity, she did not pursue it. She was not _stupid_, she would not chase after foreign things. She had read many books where people had done rash things like that, and they did not fair well.

The rabbit's head popped out of the bushes and it gazed at her for a long moment, head tipped, as if it were confused. Then it disappeared into the bushes, Tessa staring after it. The process repeated a few seconds later, and now it definitely looked confused. As if it wanted her to follow it. But Theresa Gray was a sensible girl, and sensible girls did not go chasing after talking rabbits, however appealing they seemed.

Now, back to _Macbeth._ Tessa ignored the rustling in the bushes- now that she knew what was making the noises, it didn't really matter that much anymore. It was just a rabbit, and maybe its family. Strange though, she'd never seen any rabbits, and neither Nate or Mother or Father had said anything about rabbits. That was when she was unceremoniously scooped up by firm hands.

"Nate! Put me _down_!" Tessa spluttered. She'd dropped _Macbeth_, and if any of the pages were torn, Nate was dead.

"I apologize, but I am not your brother," the voice above her chuckled and Tessa lost her breath, her head snapping up. There was a strange man carrying her, one with a coloring she'd never seen on anyone before. His hair was bright snowy white, falling around his face, wavy-straight, and his eyes were silver, like a shilling. He was pale, like someone who never really went out much in the sun. He seemed familiar somehow...

"I _do_ apologize for this, but it would have been much simpler if you had just followed me." He actually sounded remorseful, but then he smiled, "I will put you down when we get there, I promise. I _am _a gentleman."

"Get where? And who are you?"

"You may call me Jem, and we are going into that hole," he nodded with his head and Tessa frowned. There was a giant hole, maybe a yard in diameter, just a few feet from them. And with Jem's long strides, they would be there in a few moments. But wait.

"Why is there a hole in my garden?"

He smiled conversationally and shrugged. "I wonder." They stopped at the edge of the hole, and Tessa gazed down in trepidation. Pitch black, and absolutely no sound. And then, Jem continued, "But, don't you know? If there is a hole, you simply _must _jump in." Unceremoniously, he tossed her into the hole, laughing delightedly all the while.

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**This was so short only because this was the prologue. Sorry, haha**

**If there's any questions (like who's who), drop a review. I'll get back to any reviews privately and in the next chapters.  
And about reviews. Here's a new rule: no new chapter until the previous chapter gets at least five reviews. **

**By the way; I am totally accepting of critiques- I encourage it actually. Thanks!**


	2. Eat Me, Drink Me

**There's a scene in this chapter that's not from ****Alice in Wonderland****, but from ****Through the Looking Glass****. And I'm perfectly well of this, if someone will later point that out. It just flowed smoother that way. ****This chapter kinda really sucks sorry.**

**Reviews:**

_**pokewarrior21: **_**Yes, ****Alice in Wonderland**** was originally a book, by Lewis Carroll. It's a really good read, that and its sequel ****Alice Through The Looking Glass**** (hint hint). The concepts are a bit vague to me as well (haven't read the book in ages, but the movies are kinda fresh. Rereading the book to make sure everything's right)**

_**SilverCarstairs: **_**Yeah I loved both TID and AiW, and I've read various spinoff mangas of it (my favorite so far has to be Are You Alice?) and thank you!**

**_Vialovesbooks:_**** That's because the rabbit she saw WAS Jem. More on that later, though**

_**Sapphire131: **_**I can't tell who any of the characters are, but you'll be able to tell soon (I hope n) There's a few hints to another character in the beginning of this chapter, though. As for Henry; he'll come later. And wessa or jessa? I don't know yet, to be honest. (whoops almost gave away who Will was) but I'll put up a poll later- you lot can decide for me!**

_**Guest: **_**ha I'll try not to disappoint...I'd have had this up earlier except one of my betas didn't get back to me so this was only edited once...hopefully there won't be any mistakes...**

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Tessa _hated_ heights.

She especially hated the feeling of falling- she hated the way her stomach rose and she hated feeling so _helpless_, flailing through the air. Maintaining control was one of the most important things to her, and _falling_ was the exact opposite of that.

And it wasn't like Jem was a good companion either; he kept muttering about being late and the Queen being angry and tarts and tea- it wasn't any help at all. He seemed rather cross at her now- no, more like he was _sulking_. Right on cue, Jem spoke,

"You are ignoring me."

"It is rather impossible to ignore anyone that makes no attempt to conversate."

Jem lapsed into silence then, obviously hurt. Tessa didn't mind; now she could at least think. Either they had been falling for a long time, or they were merely falling very slowly; she could see everything that passed as they fell. It was rather odd, it was almost as if this hole, tunnel- whatever it was, almost resembled a house. There was a bed, come and gone, and now there were cabinets, as if they'd moved from the bedroom to the kitchen. One had a pot of tea that Jem grasped, and the next had cups and plates. He poured tea and placed the tea pot on the little table to his left- now gone. Tessa found a platter of cookies on the upcoming shelf and Jem smiled and handed her the tea.

Down, down, down. It was getting rather tiresome now; there was nothing to do except think. She couldn't see what was approaching because it was growing ever darker; she could barely even see the gleam of Jem's hair and eyes.

"How do I get out?" Tessa wondered aloud. He seemed not to hear her question. Instead he began to hum a classical piece. Tessa repeated the question, but Jem just hummed louder. After a while, he lapsed into silence again.

Tessa found she was just dozing off when Jem said, brightly, "We're here," And then-finally, _finally_\- their fall stopped with an abrupt thump on a pile of twigs and leaves (normally, a fall from that height would have broken a few bones. Or maybe they'd only been falling very slowly, and not from such a high height). As Tessa collected herself, Jem glanced at his silver-and-jade pocketwatch and lost his breath.

"No time, I'll be late-!" he turned to her, and, worry shining in his eyes, said, "you'll be able to figure it out on your own, I must-" he glanced at the watch again, "_oh_, I am so very late!" And then he was gone again. She started after him immediately, but by the time she rounded the corner, there was no trace of him.

The room she found herself in was round, and there were...twelve doors. The ceiling was high, so high, in fact, that the incandescent lamps hanging from it appeared to be floating in midair. Each door was locked, she noted. She didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing. She didn't really care- all she wanted was to go home, really. The only thing besides the doors and the lamps in the room was a little glass table, and the only thing on it was a tiny golden key.

"For one of the doors," Tessa mused aloud. It had to be- where else had Jem gone?

But, on a glance, the locks were too large for the key (or was the key too small?) and none would open. And then- a little red velvet curtain. The door behind it was rather tiny, only about fifteen inches high, and- the key fit!

Tessa opened the door and managed to peer in and couldn't help smiling. It was the loveliest garden she'd ever seen, like something out of Narnia. She could see beds of bright flowers, and a river, and a little trodden path, and butterflies, and oh, how she longed for a book.

But there was no use in longing, so Tessa (who—she reminded herself sternly—was very sensible) went back to the table to put the key on it, and this time there was a little glass, almost like the wine glasses that were only taken down on special occasions, like Christmas and New Years. She noted that the glass had not been there before; and did that mean someone else was in the room? But who, and where? (she swore she saw the glint of shining green-gold eyes, and a mischievous grin, but she couldn't be sure. They were gone when she blinked). There was a note slipped under the glass, and it had two words on it.

_Drink Me._

Tessa frowned and put the key down on the table. The drink didn't _look_ suspicious (in fact, it was a light pinkish-orange, like the drink Nate had just bought for her the day before) and it didn't _smell_ suspicious, but that didn't mean anything. She had read before of poisons that could dissolve in drinks and leave not a trace, and she was _not_ going to risk dying because this drink looked and smelled like the one Nate had bought her.

...But she _was_ rather thirsty. Hesitantly, she dipped her finger into it and tasted it (she'd spit it out if it tasted funny, she reasoned) and found it had a very nice taste. Almost like apple-tart, or custard, or cherry pie- it was gone in a heartbeat. She noticed almost instantly that it was no normal drink- she was beginning to feel a tingling all throughout her body, starting from her toes and crawling up until even her hair was singing with sensation. And looking around, had the doors always been that high? And the table! It was growing, no, Tessa realized what the drink had done.

She was shrinking.

Immediately several thoughts ran through her mind. The door- she could fit through! But what if the shrinking didn't stop? How would she get normal sized again?

After she stopped—about ten inches, she presumed, with relief—she set off to the door. But alas! She found that the little golden key was still on the table, and there was no way she could reach it, it seemed to be thousands of feet high, and Tessa was now only inches tall. She tried to climb one of the legs, but it became too steep, and she slid down to the floor and couldn't help a few tears from slipping out.

_No, this will solve nothing!_ Tessa berated herself, _stop crying!_

She normally gave herself and her brother rather good advice (though Nate seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so harshly that she nearly began to cry. As it were, she put her head in her hands and let herself feel sorry for a moment, then resolved to find a way out. Presently, her eye fell on a little box that she'd not seen before, (and the same glint of those green-gold eyes) and in it was a beautiful little cupcake, with two words written in vanilla icing on its top.

_Eat Me._

Almost annoyed now, she bit a little corner of it, and thought, _if it makes me larger, I can reach the key, and if I grow smaller, then I can get under the door. I don't care which one happens!_ As it were, nothing happened (which generally was the case when people ate cake), and it was rather disappointing.

"Maybe I've got to eat the whole thing," she mused. It was not a bad cake—rather, it was one of the most delicious cakes she'd eaten—so she set to eating the whole thing.

...

The tingling sensation was back, and now it was nearly unbearable. The table next to her now appeared to be the size of a doll's table, and she could barely see the key, glittering on its top. After a moment of scrabbling, Tessa managed to grasp the key and realized her newest problem: now she was too tall to enter the door. And there was no cake or drink to help her this time. Only a fan, which she supposed she might as well use- it was getting hot, anyway.

_What would Nate do if he were here? And Mother and Father- oh, they would laugh if I told them this story. It does seem rather unbelievable, doesn't it; cakes and drinks that make you grow and shrink? And that Jem, wherever did he go?_

As she thought this, she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see the floor rapidly approaching. She must have been inches tall again, and realized the cause of her shrinking was the fan, which she immediately dropped.

"Now for the garden," she said to herself, and this time, key in hand, ran to the little door. It opened, at last, and she stepped through. To her disappointment, she was still too small to see everything properly (each strand of grass was the size of a small tree, it seemed).

_I shall be able to see quite better if I could get to the top of that hill,_ she thought. There she came upon a large flowerbed, and she sat in front of one of the flowers.

"Oh, I wish you could talk. It is quite lonely."

"We _can_ talk," said the tiger-lily, "when there's anyone worth talking to."

Tessa was so astounded that she could not speak for a moment—who could have thought flowers could talk? But then again, after the cake and the drink and the fan, this should not have been that surprising—but then she was finally able to say, "Can all flowers talk?"

"As well as you can," replied the tiger-lily, "well," it seemed to frown down at her, "a great deal better."

"Manners," the rose whispered, "remember your manners."

"How can you all talk? I have been in many gardens, but none of the flowers could talk."

"The ground," the daisy giggled, "feel the ground!"

Tessa did. "It's very hard, but-"

The rose interrupted quietly. "In most gardens, the beds are so soft that all the flowers stay asleep."

"I never thought of it like that before!"

"In my opinion, you never think at _all_," the tiger-lily said, rather harshly.

"What sort of flower are you anyway?" the violet spoke. Tessa jumped at that, she hadn't even seen it there.

"She looks like a weed," the daisy said through giggles.

"Nasty sort," the tiger-lily sniffed, turning away from her.

"I am not a weed!"

"That's what a weed would say!"

"But I am _not_ a weed!"

"Send it to Epsilon!"

"Who's Epsilon?"

But the flowers just pushed her from the garden, chattering above her the whole time. They deposited her none too gently outside the bed and Tessa stood and began to walk. _Wherever had Jem gone?_ She stopped after a while in front of a rather large mushroom. She stretched herself up on her toes and peered over the edge of the mushroom, and there her eyes met those of lady, who was reclining with her arms folded, quietly smoking a hookah. They looked at each other for a long time in silence, then at last the lady took the hookah from her mouth, tossed her long blond hair over her shoulder, narrowed her eyes, and said in a cold, languid voice, "_Who,_ are you?"


	3. The Caterpillar and the Cat

**So.  
I still would like to have 5 reviews before I post a new chapter, but because I only got one new one...9 until the next chapter. This was just a "I haven't abandoned this story" thing** **Anyway. Notes at the end of the chapter** **Also I've split this one in half, so the next one should be up soon- if I get reviews. Thanks**

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The lady sat staring at Tessa for a long time, then repeated the question. "_Who_ are you?" she said, then put the hookah back in her mouth.

Tessa was appalled. This was not a good opening for a conversation, and the way the lady—Epsilon, the flowers had said—glared made her uncomfortable.

"My name is Tessa. And you are?" she asked politely. Mother always had said politeness was a virtue.

The lady raised a delicate eyebrow coldly. She didn't say anything, and neither did Tessa. She blew a ring of smoke from her lips and stared down at Tessa, and Tessa stared back. Everything about her seemed fragile, and yet somehow unbreakable. _Like ice,_ Tessa thought. A shard of cold intelligence gleamed in her eyes—luminous green, almost catlike. She wore a dress of rich blue silk, her skin porcelain white and almost gleaming against the dark fabric. A delicate rope of lapis colored stones were wrapped around her neck like a dark scar. And her hair- pale blond (so light it was almost white), fell around her shoulders in waves. She was slender and elegant, dignified and beautiful. The sort of person Tessa wanted to be.

"Haven't you been taught manners?" she asked. It was meant to come out coldly, but it was more languid than anything.

"I have, but at the moment, I am not myself, you see."

"I _don't_ see," said the lady.

"I am afraid I cannot put it any clearer than that," Tessa replied, "for I cannot understand it myself. Being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing."

"It is not."

"Well, perhaps your feelings are different," Tessa replied, "but it is confusing to me."

"You!" said the lady, contemptuously blowing out a ring of smoke, "who are you?"

Tessa threw her hands up. She felt a little annoyed at the lady's short remarks, and, after a moment, said, "I think you ought to tell me who you are."

That brought on a frown. "Why should I?"

Tessa could not think of any good reason to that, and the lady turned away, again bringing the hookah to her lips. Tessa huffed and began to walk away.

"Come back," the lady called after her, "I have something important to tell you!"

This sounded promising. Maybe she knew where Jem had gone. Tessa turned around.

"Keep your temper," said the lady, "an unchecked temper is not ladylike at all. And you walk like a duck. The Hatter would be most disappointed."

"Is that all?" Tessa swallowed down her anger the best she could. _A duck? The Hatter?_

"No," the lady drawled out. For some minutes, she puffed away without speaking, but at last she unfolded her arms, took the hookah away, and said, "So you've changed?"

"I'm afraid I have, ma'am. I cannot remember things like I used to, and I keep changing sizes!"

"Can't remember what things? And don't call me ma'am. It's old and stuffy."

"If I knew your name-"

"Call me Camille."

_Camille._ It was a beautiful name.

"Now, what can you not remember?"

"Books! Books and passages-"

"Recite For Her Surgery."

"By Jack Butler?"

Camille just raised her eyebrows. "You ask too many questions." She ignored the glare sent her way and listened as Tessa began.

_"Over the city the moon rides in mist,_  
_scrim scarred with faint rainbow._  
_Two days till Easter. The thin clouds run slow, slow,_  
_the wind bells bleed the quietest_  
_of possible musics to the dark lawn._  
_All possibility we will have children is gone._

_I raise a glass half water, half alcohol,_  
_to that light come full again._  
_Inside, you sleep, somewhere below the pain._  
_Down at the river, there is a tall_  
_ghost tossing flowers to dark water—_  
_jessamine, rose, and daisy, salvia lyrata..._

_Oh goodbye, goodbye to bloom in the white blaze_  
_of moon on the river, goodbye_  
_to creek joining the creek joining the river, the axil, the Y_  
_goodbye to the Yes of two Ifs in one phrase..._  
_Children bear children. We are grown,_  
_and time has thrown us free under the timeless moon."_

"That is not right," Camille frowned.

"Not quite right, I'm afraid," Tessa fidgeted with her hands, "some of the words have gotten altered."

"It is wrong from beginning to end," Camille retorted, and there was silence. After a long while- "What size do you want to be?"

My old size, she was about to say. But that would not have been the proper response. "I do not know, only one does not like changing so often, you know."

"I do not."

Tessa said nothing. No one had ever been this infuriating, and did it so effortlessly. Even Nate didn't.

"Are you content now?"

"Well, I should like to be a little larger. Three inches is such a horrible height."

"It is a very good height indeed!" Camille spoke, rearing herself upright. She was exactly three inches high.

"But I'm not used to it!"

"You'll get used to it in time." Camille's anger was gone as quickly as it'd come, so quickly that Tessa thought she'd imagined it.

Instead of getting mad, Tessa decided to wait until Camille decided to speak again. In a minute or two, she yawned, and shook herself. Then she slipped from the mushroom, and began to traipse away. As she went, she remarked, "One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you smaller."

_One side of what? Other side of what?_

As if she'd spoken aloud, Camille said, "Of the mushroom." In another moment, she was out of sight.

Tessa let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. After a moment of contemplation—it hadn't looked like Camille had been lying, but then again—she took a corner off of the right side, and a corner off the left. That done, she sat (more like, nearly collapsed) beneath the mushroom, suddenly exhausted.

...

A rustling in the bushes behind her, but nothing was there. Tessa turned around and only a little squeak came out.

"Have I got something on my face?"

Tessa just shook her head. "_Wh-where_ is your face?"

The glinting green-gold eyes blinked, as if in shock. "Oh, right." he laughed- "the expression on your face was priceless. I couldn't resist." An invisible hand tugged a loose lock of her hair, and she scowled and batted his hand away.

"Who are you?"

The eyes closed, opened. _They had slit pupils,_ Tessa realized, _like a cat. _"You're cute. I _like_ you. I think the Hatter will, too."

And then all of him was visible. He was tall- taller than her by a head. And unusually tanned- but it looked nice on him. Especially with his eyes. He grinned, the edges of his slanted eyes squinting further.

"How about...call me Magnus."

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**So. That poem is a real poem (I thought it was funny that "jessamine" is used in there, haha)  
**

**I already talked about the reviewing thing sooooo...yeah**

**Next we'll be meeting the Hatter (I think?) and his crew. That'll be fun, won't it?  
**


	4. Tea Time

**..Don't really have anything to say oh yeah**

**I forgot  
Reviews:**

**Sapphire131: I love Magnus too; that's why I _had _to put him in. He'll have a bigger role once the plot really kicks in (yup this is all "intro-y" stuff. I think)**

**Gabreader: Why thank you! I like it too lol**

**Guest: I will continue and update as soon as I can (meaning as soon as I get reviews). But once December starts I'll be a bit busier; I'll try and upload more though.**

**thedarkwhiteangel: Thank youuu. I can't tell who Hatter is; but you'll find out this chapter. And yeah Magnus makes a good Chesh ouo**

**Guest: Thank youuu**

**Lilybud: I really wanted to message you but you hadn't logged in n but wowowow thank you so muchhh  
**

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"Magnus," Tessa began, pausing- for she did not know whether he would be as dreadfully rude as Camille; however, he only grinned a little wider. "Could you tell me which way I should go from here? I suppose I am lost."

"That depends on where you want to get to," Magnus said. He sat and beckoned her to as well, then began to idly inspect his nails, which were painted in loud shades green.

"I don't care where, really."

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

"But I want to get _somewhere._"

"Then start walking, and you'll get there soon enough. You'll be sure to run into a fantastic party soon enough, I suppose.."

Tessa held in an exasperated sigh; suddenly wishing she hadn't followed that dreadful rabbit in the first place. "Have you seen Jem? He has white hair and silver eyes-"

"In that direction," Magnus interrupted, gesturing vaguely, "lives the Hatter, and in that direction," he gestured in a different direction, "lives the March Hare. Visit either one, they're both mad."

"But why would I want to visit mad people?" She noticed he'd changed the subject, which meant...well, she didn't know. Yet.

Magnus just quirked a brow and blinked, "I'm mad, you're mad. We're all mad here."

"I am _not _mad!"

"Yes you are, and I can prove it. You must be mad, or you wouldn't have come here at all." Magnus grinned triumphantly and carded his ringed hand through spiked hair.

Tessa didn't think that proved anything at all, but she didn't say so. "And how do you know you're mad?"

Magnus sighed and frowned. "You _are _rather dull. A dog isn't mad, right?"

"I suppose."

"Well, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. _I _growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. So I'm mad."

"I don't think you growl-"

"I mean what I say and I say what I mean. Have you been to see the Queen yet?"

"No." and then, "there's a Queen?"

Magnus barked a laugh. "Of _course _there's a Queen!"

"Oh-"

"You shall see me there. There should be a _magnificent _party soon, and I simply _must _attend." Magnus winked, then vanished.

By this point, Tessa wasn't very surprised; the queer things happening were beginning to become rather plain. And then he appeared again.

"Oh, and what is your name?"

"Theresa. But you can call me Tessa."

"I thought so." said Magnus, and he vanished again.

Tessa waited a little, half expecting to see him again, but he did not appear, so she stood up and began to walk in the direction of the Hare. As she did so, she looked up, and there was Magnus again, lounging on the branch of a tree.

"You should visit the Hatter. You'll find him and his company rather interesting. Plus, it's almost tea time."

"I _do_ wish you would stop appearing and vanishing so suddenly, it's quite dizzying."

"All right." Magnus stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout, his eyes gleaming playfully, and this time he vanished slowly, beginning with his feet and ending with his grin, which remained for a while after the rest of him had gone. It was rather disorienting.

"Curiouser and curiouser…"

Tessa had not gone much further before she came in sight of a large gate; carved in stone were the words, "Pulvis et umbra sumus."

"We are dust and shadows," Tessa murmured, _thank God Nate made me study Latin. _"How interesting."

Beyond the gate was a little house, and there were loud voices coming from the back of it. When she rounded the corner, she saw a table set out under a tree, and there were three people having tea at it. Well- two were, and one was using the third as a cushion, resting his legs on it, and talking over its head.

"Won't that hurt him?"

Both voices suddenly fell quiet, and they both turned towards her. The first one (who had been using him as a pillow) narrowed emerald eyes at her and snorted. "He's _my _brother, what do you care? He's always asleep anyway. Who are you?"

The second boy waved the first away and took off his large hat—_ah, so that's the Hatter. _"Excuse his rude behavior, but it _is _rather true." the boy swiftly delivered a sharp kick to the sleeping boy's shins, and he didn't even budge.

"He'll feel it when he wakes up." the raven haired boy shrugged dismissively, then added, "_if_ he wakes up."

"How...interesting."

"Anyway. What are you doing here?"

"Let her have tea!" the raven haired boy pointed to the seat next to him, but the brunette scowled.

"There's no room, go away."

"There's _plenty _of room!" Tessa said indignantly, and she sat down right where the raven boy had pointed.

Blue eyes gleamed at her in approval.

The brunnette snorted, but apologised. "Have some wine," he then said.

"I don't see any wine."

"There isn't any."

"Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it!"

"It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited," the brunette retorted, taking a smug sip of tea.

"I didn't know it was _your_ table, and it's been laid out for more than three."

"Your hair wants cutting." said the Hatter.

"You shouldn't make personal remarks," Tessa turned to him, frowning, "it's very rude."

The Hatter's blue eyes widened, as if to say, _who, me?_ but all he said was, "why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"I believe I can guess that." Tessa _loved _riddles.

The March Hare—she assumed it was him, anyway—snorted. "Do you mean you think you can find the answer to it?" he asked.

"Exactly so."

"Then you should say what you mean."

"I do. At least, I mean what I say, and that's the same thing."

"Not in the least bit!" the Hatter banged his fist on the table, "you may as well say 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"

"Or that 'I like what I get' is the same as 'I get what I like'!" the March Hare added.

"You might as well just say," added the sleeping one, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"

"It _is_ the same with you," said the Hatter, and the conversation was dropped.

The Hatter was the first one to break the silence. "The Dormouse is sleeping again." and he poured hot tea on its nose.

The Dormouse shook his head impatiently, and sat up, and without opening his eyes, said, "I know, I know. I was just going to say that."

"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter asked.

"No, I give up. What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," the Hatter shrugged.

"Nor I." said the March Hare.

"I think you should do something better with time than waste it in asking stupid riddles."

"If you knew Time as well as I do," said the Hatter, "you wouldn't talk about wasting _it._ It's a _him._"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Of course not! I doubt you've ever even spoken to Time!" the March Hare snorted.

"Maybe not, but I do know I have to beat time when I play piano."

"Ah," sighed the Hatter, "he won't stand beating. If only you'd kept on good terms with him."

"Someone change the subject," the March Hare interrupted, stretching and yawning, "I'm bored. You, tell us a story."

"I don't know any stories."

"Then the stupid Dormouse will!" the March Hare kicked at the Dormouse.

"What are your names? It feels rather silly to call him a mouse."

"Take some more tea," the March Hare said instead.

"I haven't had any, so I can't take more."

"You mean you can't take _less._" said the Hatter, "it's very easy to take _more_ of nothing."

"Nobody asked _your_ opinion."

"Who's making personal remarks _now_?" the Hatter retorted.

Tessa didn't know what to say to that, so she helped herself to some tea and bread, then turned to the March Hare as she began to butter her bread. "What is your name?"

"I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter, "let's move on a place." He moved on as he spoke and the March Hare pushed the Dormouse into the Hatter's old spot and took the Dormouse's, and Tessa took the March Hare's. As it were, the Hatter was the only one that got an advantage in the move.

"I don't think-"

The Hatter frowned. "Then you shouldn't talk."

"Hatter, give us a story."

"A poem." the Hatter corrected, "I only just found this one."

The March Hare nodded and pinched the Dormouse awake. "Wake up, stupid, he's going to say a poem."

"Ah, yes."

The Hatter splashed a bit of tea at the both of them. "I'm _starting_."

The March Hare just snorted.

"Bread and Music, by Conrad Aiken." the Hatter began, and then

"_Music I heard with you was more than music,  
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;  
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;  
All that was once so beautiful is dead. _

_Your hands once touched this table and this silver,  
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass.  
These things do not remember you, beloved,  
And yet your touch upon them will not pass. _

_For it was in my heart you moved among them,  
And blessed them with your hands and with your eyes;  
And in my heart they will remember always,—  
They knew you once, O beautiful and wise."_

As the Hatter finished, he stared at Tessa for a long time, "was it good?"

"Very," said the March Hare."

"His name is Will, and he is Gideon, and I'm Gabriel." said the Dormouse.

"No, idiot, you're Gideon." the March Hare rolled his eyes.

"So you're Will?" Tessa asked him.

"No, idiot, I'm Gideon."

"But you said _he's _Gideon!"

"So I did."

The Hatter laughed. "I'm Will, he's Gideon, and the idiot is Gabriel."

"...I'm Tessa."

Gabriel—or perhaps Gideon—narrowed his eyes at her, "Nobody asked your name."

"You make no sense!"

"There's plenty of sense in nonsense, if you choose to look for it." Will said, folding his arms.

Gideon—or was it Gabriel?—at last opened his eyes and carded a hand through his hair, which was a few shades lighter than...Gabriel's. They had the same eyes, though. "Have you seen the Rabbit?"

"Who-"

Will snorted. "You're a rabbit." he appeared to be sulking.

"You are disgustingly in love with him."

_Him?_

"Jem is my greatest sin, nothing more." Will shrugged half-heartedly.

"Jem? You know Jem? Where is he now?"

Gabriel laughed between a sip of now-cold tea. "Look out, Hatter, you've got competition!"

"Be civil," it was the Dormouse—Gideon.

"I have _not._ I, at least, have got an attractive face."

This piece of rudeness was more than Tessa could bear; she got up in a huff and walked off. Gideon immediately fell asleep, and the other two began to argue again and didn't notice her going, though she looked back once or twice (half hoping they would call her back). The last she saw of them was Will splashing tea at Gabriel.

"That was the _stupidest _tea-party I have ever been to!" she burst out, finally able to let out all of her displeasure. She hadn't noticed how far she'd gotten until she heard squabbling and laughter. Tessa followed the sounds of the voices; at this point, it didn't even _matter_ who it was- so long as they weren't as...as _stupid_ as those three back there.

A large rose tree stood at the entrance of a garden; the roses on it were white, but there were three gardeners hurriedly painting them red. _How curious._ Just as she came closer, she heard one of them say,

"Look out now, idiot, you got paint all over me!" the eldest rubbed paint from her hair, sighing in exasperation.

"I couldn't help it," the only male of the group said, in a sulky tone, "Seven knocked my elbow."

Seven—Tessa assumed it was Seven, at least—looked up, and said, "Oh, stuff it! Always laying the blame on others!"

"But it wasn't my _fault_!"

"_You_ shut up!" said Seven, "I heard the Queen say yesterday say that you'll be beheaded!"

_Beheaded?_

Seven snorted and folded her arms. "Whatever for? I'm not the one that chose the _white _roses!"

"None of your business!"

Five huffed in exasperation and whipped around to confront the other two. "It _is_ his business! And _I'll _say it; it was for bringing the cook tulip roots and not onions."

The male threw his paintbrush down. "Of _all_ the things-" he saw Tessa and immediately froze. The other two turned round and saw her and froze too.

"Could you please tell me, why you're painting the roses?"

Five and Seven said nothing, only glared at Two, who said in a low voice, "We were supposed to have _red _roses, but we-"

"You!" Seven tossed her hair and glared at Two with oddly familiar blue eyes, "it was all you!"

"Fine! _I _put a white one in by mistake, and if the Queen finds out," he drew a line across his neck.

At that moment, Five, who had been looking around the garden, called out, "The Queen! The Queen!" and all three immediately threw themselves down. There was the sound of many footsteps, and Tessa turned, eager to see this famed Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs, then ten courtiers (each ornamented with red diamonds, and walked in pairs, like the soldiers), then ten children, and then other Kings and Queens (Tessa saw Jem there, and he went by without noticing her; he looked very nervous). Then came a blonde man with piercing green eyes carrying the King's crown on a velvet cushion, and finally came the King and Queen of Hearts.

* * *

**That poem Will said is _fave,_ by the way. Happy Halloween!**

**Remember; reviews. And I'd really recommend going to my tumblr (even if you don't have one, you can still like, look and stuff). Which is putthepentotheink . tumblr . com**

**(my primary one is dollarsfordoughnuts . tumblr . com but it's not really writing stuff)  
**

**Ummmmmm what else  
****Oh yeah if you can, log in (or put your Pen Name on here) so I can message you about stuff. I like to talk to people u**

**Also! I'm lonely unu go on my tumblr (the first one) and send requests- that'll be open from now until midnight 12/31/2014. I'll put them on here and...yeah. What'd be most interesting is if you could like send a one-liner/dialogue or something and I'll make a whole thing out of that.**

**...Or something.**

**(I hope people actually read these, by the way...)**


	5. The King and Queen

**The Iron Sister: Thanks much, it's an interesting start (I hope). It's been fun to write it**  
**The dialogue I don't like as much ;-; (it's like all dialogue otl)  
****...what else. It did make sense; and yeah thanks for reading the A/Ns (bc I know I personally skip them if they're long)**

**SilverJem5: I'm intrigued to see where it goes too! (yes I have no idea where this is going. I have a vague idea, but we'll see)  
****There was a hint about who the Queen is in chapter 3, if you wanna go back and read that. Though it'll be revealed soon so...**

**Gabreader: Lol let's pretend I _intended_ it to be confusing?  
...But yeah Will as the Hatter was literally why I wrote this (bc I was watching the original movie and I was like woah. Will would be the perfect Hatter. And then this happened)**

**Sapphire131: You'll seeee (there is that hint in chapter 3 though. And it's not a subtle hint though)**

**Rosie: ho ho ho this is only the "intro". The "real" story starts next chapter or the chapter after that (I am SO EXCITED for that)**

**Lilybud: Lol I didn't even know that was a prank until you said so actually  
****And yes it was "intended" to be chaotic  
****It's fun writing it (and yeah the 'sense in nonsense' thing was my fave part of the chapter [jk it was when Gabriel said he was Gideon and Will was Will and all of that]) OH YEAH and I found your name but there's no option to PM you so...yeah (and I REALLY wanted to talk to you about your reviews otl)**

**Mezzogal: lol thanks**

**thedarkwhiteangel: Yaaaay! Also yeah that was fun to do..kinda felt OOC though**

**Whimsicalbook9: Hhhhhhh Heart no Kuni no Alice was fave EVERYONE GO READ IT (it's a manga and it's really good and adslfngrliu) ALSO read Are You Alice? bc it's asefgrdlitzelirh  
****Anyway  
****Yeah that's actually the hardest of it (keeping them all in character) bc I'm reeeeally perfectionist about in-character characters. Soooo yeah thanks ouo  
****(also we should talk about more manga/anime)**

* * *

There was a light tugging at the hem of Tessa's dress, and she glanced down and saw it was Two; he was earnestly pointing to the ground, and was mouthing, "Bow!" But it was too late; they had all seen her, and the Queen narrowed her eyes and turned to the blonde man carrying the crown, "_Who_ is this?"

He just glanced at Tessa, then back to the Queen, and shrugged, grinning, "I'm sure the Cat knows."

"Idiot!" the Queen tossed her hair and stepped up to Tessa, "what is your name?"

"My name is Theresa, your Majesty," Tessa said politely, "but you may call me Tessa, if it pleases you."

"And who are they?" the Queen pointed a parasol at the three gardeners, who were still bowing against the grass.

"How should I know?" Tessa asked, but before she could continue, the Queen interrupted.

"Off with her head! Off-"

The King—who had been watching the exchange silently—laid a hand on the Queen's arm, "She is only a child, she knows no sense."

Tessa realized two things then: Will's words echoed back then, _there's plenty of sense in nonsense,_ and that the King looked a lot like Nate- except for the cold gleam in his eyes.

The Queen just tossed her hair again and turned away. Her eyes immediately fell on the rose-tree (which was half painted), and she pointed at it with her parasol, "_what _were you doing?"

Seven shoved Two forward and the red-haired man bowed again before saying, "We were trying—your Majesty-"

"I see," the Queen folded her arms, and gave the final verdict: "off with their heads!"

And then, "and you, girl, come with me." And before Tessa could even protest, she was dragged into the procession, and they all began to march away.

"It's a very fine day, isn't it?"

Tessa turned and pointed accusingly, "You! You're the one that dragged me into this mess, you...you…!"

Jem just smiled demurely. "How was your day?"

"Horrible! I met Camille first, and then this Magnus person, and then the most _vile_ lot-"

"Oh, Will and his lot?"

"You know them?"

Jem covered his mouth with a slight hand and laughed a bit before nodding slowly, "You could say that."

And then she remembered, "_Jem is my greatest sin, nothing more."._ "You and Will-"

Jem just huffed a laugh again and took out his pocketwatch, "Everything is on schedule, finally. All that's missing is the Cat..."

"Am I late?" It was Magnus—well, Magnus's face, at least—floating on Tessa's left.

"Just on time," Jem nodded to him.

"So how do you like the Queen? And the Hatter, hm?" Magnus's eyes flicked over to Jem at the latter part of the sentence.

"She is so dreadfully-" she then noticed the Queen, close behind her, "beautiful, I want to look just like her."

The Queen just smiled and passed her.

"Who are you talking to?" It was the King.

Magnus had vanished. "Well, I was talking to Magnus."

Magnus then let his head appear and grinned, his eyes and teeth gleaming.

The King wrinkled his nose. "I don't like the look of it. But it may kiss my hand if it likes."

"I'd rather not," Magnus snorted.

"Don't be impertinent, and stop looking at me like that!"

Magnus just grinned and let his whole body appear. It looked as if someone had dumped a gallon of glitter on him- he (quite literally) sparkled from his spiked hairtips to his bare feet. He ignored the King and turned back to Tessa. "And your thoughts on the Hatter?"

"He is vile, and rude, and-"

"And _very _handsome." Magnus finished.

"No he's not!" Jem said (a bit too quickly, in Tessa's opinion).

Magnus dismissively waved a hand in Jem's direction. "Keep telling yourself; you're practically his pet. You lot are rather dull now, goodbye."

And he vanished, only to appear again at the blonde man's side. They immediately began whispering to each other and laughing- Jem snorted.

"Ignore him, he's…" Jem coughed, "that is to say...we, I- never mind."

"So he was right? Will said it too; 'Jem is my greatest sin'." Tessa decided to leave out that he'd said _nothing more._

Jem beamed, but ignored her in favor of checking his watch again. "You should talk to the Knave. It's almost time for the festivities to begin," he snapped the pocket watch shut, "everyone will be assembled soon. This time around is sure to be interesting, I think." he frowned as he stared at her, his expression oddly serious.

"What do you mean, this time?"

"Ah," Jem's lips curved up in a maddening smile, "I shan't spoil the surprise."

"That's no fun, James," it was Magnus again, accompanied by the blonde man, "less fun than the time stole those tarts. Your Queen _is_ rather quick to kill, isn't she?"

"So it _was _you," Jem nodded, "William thought otherwise."

The blonde man snorted, "He should've known better. Maggie would hardly pass up the chance to do that."

Magnus frowned at the blonde man, but his voice was fond, "Don't call me that."

The man shrugged, grinning a rather wolfish grin (did this lot ever stop grinning, Tessa wondered), then turned to Tessa. "Woolsey Scott. So you're the one this time..."

Jem batted at Woolsey's arm, "You're going to ruin the surprise if you say much more," he chastised, "and William hasn't even gotten here yet; you know how he'll talk."

The procession stopped and then they were in front of a castle—the sort Tessa had read about in books; with regal, towering spires, and tiny, _tiny _windows- even a drawbridge!

A tap on her arm and Tessa turns and it's one of the gardeners from before, the one with the dark hair and blue, blue eyes. "Don't trust him," she says quietly, eyes on Jem. Before she says why, the other gardener pulled her back in line, frowning. She says something about "disrupting the flow", but Tessa couldn't hear the rest.

And then the redheaded gardener is next to her. "Call me Henry. Or Two, whichever one suits your fancy. Seven—that's Cecily, with the black hair—wants to apologise," Cecily did not, in fact, look like she wanted to apologise, "and Charlotte wants to Cecily's...outburst. She _is _a lot like her brother."

"Brother?"

"William—you've met him, haven't you?"

"Yes. They _do_ seem alike-"

"But she's right," Henry says it quietly, "don't trust him. Or anyone in this palace. You'll...you'll find out why soon enough. Hopefully not before…" he looked worried, shook his head, and refused to say any more.

And then the Queen was speaking. "Bring the girl here!" and once she had been hustled to the front of the procession (and was ignoring, with difficulty, Magnus and Woolsey, who were making _faces _at them), the Queen clapped. "I will get the girl dressed, and then the _fun _will begin!"

Before she could turn away, Jem slipped up beside her and whispered something in the Queen's ear. The Queen nodded and dismissed Jem, then said, "And ring the Hatter and his lot too, they need to be present for the first event." This said, she turned and swept away into the palace, taking Tessa with her.

* * *

**Wahh, sorry I didn't post sooner OTL  
****Life happened and...yeah n**

**Remember to review, and check my blog [putthepentotheink] for drabbles and stuff. I'll try and post faster**

**Also! The plot starts next chapter! Yaaay!**


	6. And It Begins

**Gabreader****: Haha yeah I agree; thanks**

**thedarkwhiteangel****: It's gonna begin now and yeah I post as soon as I get reviews (or I try to anyway OTL) so that's on you guys**

**rachel****: RACH YOU'RE LATE GET OUT (more like thanks princess ilysm)**

**Lilybud****: Short's fine; I can't leave long reviews for my life OTL**

**We are Fangirls****: Thanks much! And yes here is your (late) Christmas present**

**Cat Lunanoff****: Thank you! HKA was super good- my inspiration for writing this, actually**

* * *

Living in a castle would be nice, Tessa supposed; she wished she'd gotten more time to actually see the whole building- the Queen had just dragged her down a series of hallways and up and down winding staircases, till they finally stopped in front of a beautifully carved oak door.

"Sit," the Queen commanded once they were inside, pointing towards a _huge _bed in the middle of the room. She swept over to a large closet and turned back to Tessa, eyes narrowed.

"You _are _rather plain," she remarked then, after a moment of staring.

"Why is _everyone _here so rude?"

The Queen just raised a delicately curved eyebrow and turned away, going back to her closet before coming out with a delicate pile of silver. "Put that on. What _is _your name?"

"Theresa, but most call me Tessa."

"And how has your day been?"

"Interesting, to say in the least."

"So I take it you've met the Hatter."

"I would rather not talk about that lot."

The Queen smiled then, "I rather dislike them too. Especially the Hatter himself."

"You mean William? Oh, he's okay, it's only Gabriel that's the problem."

"You think _William _is _okay_?" The Queen looked incredulous, "however did you _deal _with them?"

Tessa paused to slip the dress over her head, then saw the Queen gliding over to run her fingers through her hair. "I dunno, he reminds me of my brother."

"An older brother? Where is he?"

"I never said he was older…"

The Queen just waved her concerns away, "Ah, now turn towards me so I can pretty you up."

Tessa did, but reluctantly. The soft brush of the liquid eyeliner wand against her eye made her blink, and the Queen hissed out a soft breath. "Keep still," she murmured.

"It tickles though," Tessa complained, "and why does all of this matter, anyway?"

The Queen's hand stuttered and Tessa could feel a cold wetness against her cheek. "Look what you made me do- what do you mean, you don't _know_?"

"No-one's told me anything except that there's going to be a party, that everything is on schedule, that the festivities are going to begin, and everyone will be assembled soon, that this time around will be interesting. Oh, and that I'm the one this time." She didn't mention what Henry had said, about not trusting anyone.

"So no-one told you," the Queen finished dabbing at Tessa's face and frowned, "poor little Alice-"

"My name is Tessa."

"...Right, names _are _rather confusing, are they not? Anyway," the Queen spun away in a whirl of fabric and hair and the dizzying scent of roses followed the motion, "are you good at running?"

"Yes, but-"

"Good. I would hate for my patron in this event to lose so easily." the Queen steered them out of her room without another word.

"But, Queen-"

"Jessamine," the Queen-no, Jessamine- interrupted breezily. They were practically flying down the stairs now, and if Tessa hadn't been so scared, it would've been _fun._

"Then, Jessamine- Queen Jessamine, that is, what race is this? I can't run in this dress, you know!" Tessa lifted the heavy folds and dropped them as she stumbled.

"My dear, you'll be just fine, so long as you have a good weapon with you." Jessamine patted her cheek as they reached another set of doors- this time silver.

"A weapon? Why would I need a weapon for a race?"

"Oh- you really _do _know absolutely nothing…" Jessamine shook her head, "I'd advise something long-range."

"Queen, are you really going to send her in alone, with no idea of what's even going on? She'd die too easily for it to be a good show this time- don't want that, right?" As he spoke, Magnus materialized, "I wouldn't be able to throw a party that grand if she died in the first event."

"Fine, Bane, take her. I suppose we can spare five minutes. But be quick about it."

Magnus nodded shortly and steered Tessa away. "So, darling, are you prepared to die?"

"To _die_?"

"Yes, rather fabulously, I hope. The last time was rather dull, poisoned."

"But- what _is _all of this?"

"Simple, simple," Magnus huffed, "to pick a new ruler, of sorts. Our current Queen has been on the throne for _much _too long. The 93rd was the closest to winning, but, alas. Betrayed at the last moment. By the one she loved most, at that. Funny, how humans work."

"But, Magnus- what _is _the first event?"

"Have you heard of the Caucus Race?"

"Would that not be like any _other _race?"

"No, no, not at all; what would be the fun in that?" Magnus snorted, "not at _all. _A race to the death, more like. You'll see when you get there- our time together is up, you see." he bent to kiss her cheeks, "good luck, darling. You'll need it."

* * *

**Ah- kind of a filler. Whoops?**

**I swear it'll "start" next chapter ;n;**


	7. Not a chapter, just a message

**Hey, so some of you have been asking when the next chapter will update and hopefully it'll be soon**

**I've been having computer problems (my battery broke and now my laptop is dead) so the only thing I have to write on for now is my tablet. Which is very troublesome and just yeah. I'll try and have it up soon though, please be patient for now, thanks!**


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